Saturday, 31 July 2010

Towards a feminine expression

After months and months of research, soul searching and self doubt, it is decided and the deposit is paid, we are flying tomorrow to Spain for Angela's FFS, we will be there for two weeks in a self catering apartment
her procedures will include:

* Forehead recontouring (aka Brow Bossing)
* orbital recontouring ...these procedures remove the "neanderthal" ridge above the eye brows that the majority of men have, they will remove the bone from the front of her skull, shave the bone then reinsert the modified bone held in by two screws)

* Forehead lift

* Hairline correction (the skin will be pulled into a girlish curve as oppossed to the typical V's that men have at their temples)

* Browlift

* Rhinoplasty (they will break her nose)

* Chin and jaw Recontouring (jaw split at the centre and a section of bone removed, then jaw bone is reattached)

* Trachea shave (removes the appearance of the adam's apple,a strong masculine indicator)

The operation will take around 8 hours.... it is very invasive and the 48 hours afterwards will be very "uncomfortable"

What do we hope for from Angela's Facial Feminisation surgery?

What is it Angela wants from this?
to stop feelings of guilt and shame because of the way others look at her.
to pass in public with little or no makeup - like most girls
to be a beautiful woman
to see her true self in the mirror
to feel right about herself

What do I want?
To stop people staring at us in public
To ease a sense of unease when we are clearly the object of curiosity or amusement / titlation (although this is rare)
For Angela to be able to collect her daughter from her school
For her to move on her boy->girl SPECTRUM closer to the girl that she feels she is

This is difficult, frightening, the very worse scenario would be Angela would die and Isaac, my young son and I would be destitute. I would lose my lover, my best friend and the stabilty we share.

It has been difficult to accept that I will have to acclimatise to my favourite person having a different face. As a man, he was very very handsome and when transformed was often remarked upon as being extremely good looking. But the truth of the matter was she looked like a very attractive feminised man. Not a woman.

I hope to stand infront of the world and passers by see two happy women, not two sad individuals who are stranger aware. I am tired of always having my radar up, and out staring people, glaring at sniggering kids. Enough is enough.

I am worried about her suffering and pain post-op, I hope I can help her through those dark hours.

I hope readers understand that this is not for vanity, it is to match her visual identity to her feminine spirit.

It is for all of us, in our family, our circle of learning.

1 comment:

  1. Will be keeping you both in my thoughts, I was thinking about you a lot earlier today and was about to ask when you were going to update this blog.

    Sending lots of energy and healing, the courage you are both showing and all the pain will be well worth it.

    lots of love my darling girls!